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My deepest fear was realized time and again…no one wanted me, for any amount of time. I always fucked up and they always walked away. There was an empty bottle of wine that lay shattered against the locked door. I didn’t know why I had locked it. No one would be coming to see me, to save me. This was my own personal hell, created for and by me. This is where I would live, the monstrosity of pain that I had built on trying to be what no one really wanted. I had not eaten for days. The hunger pangs had stopped long ago. I was starving, but on many levels which had nothing to do with food. The starvation sank deep into my bones and it would no doubt be what killed me. A loud clap of thunder shook the walls and sound reverberated inside my little room. It had been raining non-stop, lightning and thunder playing off one another in the distance. Perhaps it was getting closer, the fury of the storm, the wrath of someOne that didn’t exist. I craned my head and looked out the window. Water. I was shocked at her question and said a loud “NO” which even surprised me as the word echoed in the room. Again it was my turn to drink.Initially I kept the questions simple asking her about her friends and college and crushes but her questions were absurd and too personal. She asked if I had ever watched porn or if entertained the thought of having threesomes.It seemed I kept on losing the game and had finished my beer bottle when she was only halfway through it. Even though it was a game of fun I hated losing. I turned up the heat and started asking her personal questions which would make her feel uncomfortable too.I asked her ” if she ever shaved her female parts ? ” to which she replied they were always clean devoid of any hair just in case someone wanted to lick it.She smiled and asked me if I wanted to take a look before judging her answer. I did not know whether it was the alcohol or she talking, but I could feel the atmosphere get uneasy and thick with sexual tension. She.
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